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Contents 

Ghoses  er  not  Ethoses, 

When  de  womenfolks  debate. 


WULlAfil  S. 


A HIT  ON  YOUR  NEXT  RROfiMMI 

Something  Out  of  The  Ordinaiy 
In  High-Glass  Humorous  Songs. 

MUSICAL  SmCHES  FOR  YOm  LADIES  ^ 

By  Harry  C.  Eldrldge 

These  fill  an  urgent  need  in  " supplying 
musical  numbers  \dth  action,  for  any  secular 
program,  for  ^lis  or  ladles  of  any  age.  Cleyer 
words  and  singable  music  combined  to  make 
novel  numbers  for  ybur  entertainment. 

. THf  MAT  OF  OTHER  DAYS.  Everyone  kno?ra  how 
ridiculous  the  changing  styles  make  out-of- 
date  hats  appear,  The  song  is  bas^  on  this 
faet,  and  the  appearance  of  these  *‘hats^^  ?^^ 
other  4ays”  will  cause  loads  of  merrimenti 
"I  OAITT  00  A THMO  WITH  MY  HAIR  $#E  irtWASHEIt’’ 
Did  you  ever  hear4;he  above  expressien?  They 
all  say  it.  This  Song  isifor  a meiry  grmip  of; 
girls  who  have  Rouble  in  keeping  their  hair  in 
bounds.  A jolly  song. ^ ^ 

REDHCEO  TO  $lJi.  The  f^res  in  a dry  go<^s 
show  window  are  indignant  at^havlhg  to  par- 
ticipate in  s(fiUany‘‘r^uetions£des,'^  and, 

“ revolting,  walk  off  the  stage  after  telling  - 
^ their  doubles  in  song.  The  eccentric  motions 
of  these  figures  make  a very  laughable  number. 

THE  WHIWMI  WAYS  OF  GRAROIIA'S  DAYS.  Sung  ih 
costume,'^  this  portrays  the  many  welcome  and 
pleasing*costumes  of  ‘‘ye  olden  times.”  Di-  - 
rections  for  minuet  included^  Very  enjoyable. 
hxi  ww  If  tti  rtiw  stBt  jeshMH  n rec»^  tf  25  cadt 

EynOD^  ENTERTAINMENT  HOUSE 


Ghoses  Er  Not  Ghoses 

A Negro  Debate 


By  WILLIAM  S.  LONG. 


Copyright  1916,  Eldridge  Entertainment  House. 


ELDRIDGE  ENTERTAINMENT  HOUSE, 

FRANKLIN,  OHIO 


dar  Aint  No 


QUESTION:—  “Resolved,  Dat 
Ghoses.” 


DEBATERS: 


Affirmative 


Negative 


Solomon  Moses  Beelzebub  Daniel  Daemon  Caesar 
George  Washington  Brown  Hannibal  Hanted  Holmes 


OFFICERS: 

President— Hon.  Wilson  Roosevelt  Taft. 


(Names  of  local  persons  serving  as  Judges.) 

TIME: 

(Date  and  Hour  of  Entertainment) 
PLACE: 

(Place  of  Entertainment) 


Dr.  Sawyerhaidoff  Right 
Rev.  David  Jeremiah 


JUDGES: 


Ghoses  Er  Not  Ghoses. 


This  darkey  programme  requires  seven  persons  to 
which  number  may  well  be  added  two  marshalls,  a 
pianist,  and,  if  thought  advisable,  three  judges.  The 
director  in  each  case  should  be  the  judge  of  the  kind 
and  extent  of  stage  setting,  as  this  may  be  arranged 
in  various  effective  ways. 

The  costumes  of  the  debaters  and  officers,  and 
judges,  may  be  ragged,  funny,  or  would  be  dignified, 
as  desired.  It  is  suggested  that  each  should  wear  a 
high  hat,  which  may  be  easily  made  by  sewing  a 
high  cardboard  crown  around  a derby  hat  and  cover- 
ing it  with  black  cloth.  The  Vice-Presidents  should 
each  have  a large  alarm  clock  fastened  with  an  enor- 
mous chain.  As  timekeepers  they  should  refer  to  these 
ivatches  frequently.  In  the  delivery  of  the  debate  it- 
self, some  of  the  speakers  may  make  their  parts  very 
effective  by  falling  occasionally  into  the  loud  and  va- 
ried singsong  of  the  old  negro  preacher.  The  dialect 
should  be  noticed  closely  and  a lazy  drawn  maintained 
at  all  times. 

At  the  conclusion  of  the  debate,  the  judges,  if  in 
costume,  should  retire  to  a corner  and  have  a noisy 
conference,  after  which  the  chairman  should  an- 
nounce the  decision. 

ARRANGEMENT  OF  CAST  ON  THE  ROSTRUM. 

a— President  b — Vice-Presidents 

c— 1st.  on  Affirmative  d — 2nd.  on  Affirmative 
e— 1st.  on  Negative  f— 2nd.  on  Negative 

m— Marshalls  t— Table  (Speaker’s  Stand) 

p— Piano 


p 

BAB 

M 

D 

E M 

C 

T F, 

4 


Ghoses  Er  Not  Ghoses 

President’s  Speech. 


Ladies  an’  Gemmens:— 

Yuh  hab  been  called  ter  dis  byab  congregation  ter 
witness  an’approve  de  acktions  an’  de  arguments  uv  er 
gret  debate.  De  Colleges  dey selves  is  sboly  enormous 
an’  de  question  are  profound.  De  powers  wbar  wuz 
is  tremblin  wid  de  oncartainty  uv  de  contes,  an  Mt. 
Dumplin  College  is  willin  an  almos’  anxious  ter  fly  at 
de  figgerative  tbroat  uv  de  University  uv  Cbinker- 
pinneck.  De  question  fur  dis  concussion  are  “Re- 
solved, Dat  dar  aint  no  gboses.” 

De  gemmens  wbar  will  uncork  de  thunder  and  dip 
out  de  ligbtenin  ferdese  renounded  institutions  is: 
Fur  de  Firmative,  Mistab  Solomon  Moses  Beelzebub 
and  Mistab  George  Washington  Brown;  furde  Nega- 
tive we  will  extricate  Mistab  Daniel  Daemon  Caesar 
an  Mistab  Hannibal  Hanted  Holmes. 

We  will  now  hab  de  fus  speaker  fur  de  Firmative, 
Mistab  Beelzebub. 

First  Speech  On  The  Affirmative. 

Mistah  President,  most  wise  Jedges,  Men  an  Wim- 
minfolks: 

It  hab  done  been  agreed  upon  an  resolved  dat  we 
is  to  argufy  upon  de  gret  important  question  dat  dar 
aint  no  Ghoses.  Honry  Jedges,  as  Ah  considerate 
upon  de  gret  issues  what  are  dependin  upon  dis  hyah 
question,  mah  feelins  trembles  lak  de  rod  of  Aaron 
an  mah  voice  it  blossoms  lak  er  load  uv  mud. 

Mistah  President,  lat  mah  ax  yall  ter  grab  care- 
fully at  de  sollem  fack  dat  de  proof  uv  dis  hyah  reso- 
lution do  not  interfere  wid  de  gret  religiousology 
what  hab  done  transpired  alongside  uv  de  childhood 
uv  our  race.  When  dis  hyah  affirmative  undertakes 
ter  prove  dat  dar  aint  no  ghoses,  we  means  dose 
ghoses  whar  niggers  say  sometimes  peramputate 
aroun  de  churchyards  at  night.  We  aint  a-talkin 


Ghoses  Er  Not  Ghoses 


5 


erbout  de  angels  uv  de  Lawd.  We  means  dead  men’s 
ghoses.  Dat  are  de  thing  whar  we  say — dey  aint. 
An  in  order  ter  prove  dis  hyah  statement,  ah’se 
agwine  ter  think  out  de  unthinkable,  explain  de  in- 
explicable, search  out  the  unsearchable,  and  unscrew 
de  unscrutable.  Ah’se  agwine  ter  tar  down  de  eber- 
lastin  an  eternal  foundations  uv  dis  ole  surrepstition 
an  throw  it  outen  de  do. 

Ah  appeals  ter  yall  intelligent  cullud  folks  ter  re- 
member de  gret  wurds  uv  Isaiah  when  he  say  ‘ ‘Be 
ye  not  afeered  when  de  night  come  on,  jes’  hang 
erroundde  church.”  Hyah  is  yo  proof  dat  dar  aint 
no  ghoses.  How  cud  er  nigger  hang  erround  er 
church  an  not  git  skeered  ef  ghoses  ralely  walked, 
erround?  Yas  suh,  dis  hyah  talk  erbout 
ghoses  is  all  er  fake.  Ef  men’s  ghoses  did  come  back 
ter  arth,  den  in  wartime  de  side  whar  hab  de  mos 
men  killed  in  de  fus  fight  wud  be  boun  ter  win  be- 
kase  de  ghoses  uv  dose  daid  men  wud  fiop  back  ter 
arth  when  night  come  on  an  wallop  de  life  outen  de 
other  army.  In  case  dar  aint  no  ghoses.  Lawd-a- 
messy  folks;  ef  yall  axually  believed  dat  ghoses 
walked  erroun,  all  de  money,  in  mah  pocket  hyah 
cuddent  pay  er  single  black  man  in  dis  hyah  crowd 
ter  leab  dis  place  ternight. 

An  more’ n dat.  Ah ’ll  bet  dat  not  one  single  nigger 
in  dis  hyah  house  wud  go  out  by  hisself  aftah  chick- 
ens at  night  ef  he  thought  dar  war  enny  danger  uv 
ghoses  trackin  him  home.  Doan  tell  me  erbout  your 
ghoses,  Ah  eats  dem  things.  Ah  hired  er  ghose  one 
time  fur  fifty  cent  er  week  ter  clean  up  mah  house, 
an  she  nebber  did  clean  it  up.  ’Twuz  all  er  fake. 
’Twarnt  no  sech  thing  as  dat  ghose  whar  Ah  wuz 
talkin  ter.  She  wuz  er  lyin  all  de  time.  Ah  knowed 
er  man  one  time  whar  advertised  fur  er  ghose  in  de 
(Name  of  a local  paper)  ter  kindle  fires  fur  him,  an 
not  one  single,  er  double  ghost  appeared.  An  yall 
mus  showly  know  dat  fire  is  one  kin  uv  truck  whar 
all  ghoses  keep  in  stock. 

Honery  Jedges  yall  heern  tell  uv  hanted  houses 
and  dey  is  all  er  fake.  Ah  knowed  er  house  one  time 


6 


Ghoses  Er  Not  Ghoses 


dat  all  de  niggers  wuz  skeered  uv  kase  de  heered 
noises  in  dar  at  night.  So  I went  in  dar  one  night 
an  run  er  whole  flock  uv  sheep  out.  Dey  had  been 
roostin  dar  nigh  on  ter  twelve  munts.  One  time 
down  hyah  in  de  woods  jest  dis  side  uv  Richardsville 
dar  wuz  er  little  cabin  whar  all  de  niggers  thought 
wuz  hanted  by  er  ghose  dat  grunted  all  night  long. 
Ah  went  in  dar  one  night,  jes  kinder  prospectin  er- 
roun,  an  foun  er  ole  pinerooter  sow  an  nine  pigs.  Dat 
hawg  war  sholy  some  ghose.  Dose  folks  ober  dar 
doan  know  nothin,  dey  is  ignoramuses. 

Honry  Jedges,  dis  hyah  argument  proves  dat  dar 
aint  no  ghoses.  But  dis  hyah  big  black  partner  uv 
mine  will  more’n  prove  it.  He  hab  got  er  argennent 
whar  will  shake  de  dus’  outen  dis  hyah  platform  an 
blow  de  nails  offen  yo  eyelids.  Den  Mistah  President 
jes  watch  dem  enemies  uv  ouren  ober  dar  gib  up  .dis 
hyah  scramble  an  turn  into  sperits  deyselves.  Ah 
thanks  yall  verykindly  fur  yer  respectabul  attenchun. 

President.  We  will  now  listen  ter  de  fus  speaker 
on  de  Negative,  Mistah  Caesar. 

First  Speech  On  The  Negative; 


Mr.  President,  Dishonorable  -Jedges,  Menfolks  an 
Ladies: 

Mah  opponent  whar  hab  jes  preceded  me  hab  al- 
ready worn  de  fringe  offen  mah  patience  up  ter  an 
oncludin  de  quick  uv  mah  anger.  He  axuly  tries  ter 
make  yall  blieve  dat  dar  ain’t  no  ghoses.  Yit  Ah’ll 
bet  de  shine  offen  mah  boots  dat  he  wudden  kill  er 
chicken  ef  he  thought  its  ghose  wud  hab  er  chance 
ter  rise.  Dat  ar  nigger  he  jes  talk  like  er  dat  ter 
make  yall  white  folks  believe  he  ain’t  skeered.  Ef 
dese  hyah  lights  wud  go  out  rale  sudden  lak  we’d  hab 
ter  choke  his  tongue  outen  his  head  ter  keep  him  frum 
er  swallerin  his  brains. 

Ah’d  er  jes  lak  ter  hab  had  him  out  wid  me  one 
night  las  winter.  ’Twuz  er  cold,  nasty,  mean,  rainy 
night  an  Ah  wuz  er  trabblin  across  ole  Swamppoodle 


Ghoses  Er  Not  Ghoses 


7 


farm  frum  Carrico's  Mill.  An  when  Ah  come  close 
ter  dat  old  hanted  cabin  up  on  de  hill  in  de  Locus’ 
Grove,  Ah  jes  say  “look  hyah  nigger  hyah’s  de  place 
fur  yuh  ter  stop,”  so  Ah  jes  went  in  an  lit  er  little 
smoke  in  de  chimbly,  an  stretched  out  on  de  flo  ter 
dry  mah  guarments.  It  felt  so  good  in  dar  dat  Ah 
jes  kinder  dozed  off  lak,  an  Lo,  an  Behole!  Ah  see 
mah  Granpap’s  ghose  er  grinnin  in  de  winder.  Den 
er  big  black  tomcat  jumped  inter  dat  room  frum  jes 
nowhar  in  extickleyou,  an  wropped  he  tail  erroun  dat 
lamp,  an  say  kinder  lonesome  lak  “Ain’t  no  one  in 
hyah  cept  me  an  yuh,  is  dar?”  Ah  sorter  sneaked 
erround  ter  de  do  an  called  back  kinder  farwell  lak, 
“An  we  won’t  be  hyah  long.  ” Mistah  President,  dat 
war  sholy  some  race.  Finnally  Ah  thought  dar  ar 
ghose  war  clar  lef  behin.  So  Ah  jest  kinder  leaned 
ober  on  de  side  uv  de  road  an  lowed  as  how  Ah’d  wait 
fur  mah  breaf  ter  ketch  up.  But  stid  uv  breath  de 
fus  thing  Ah  saw  wuz  dat  same  black  cat.  It  kinder 
sneaked  up  an  grinned  up  in  mah  face  lak  er  barboon 
an  said  rale  flatterin  lak,  “Nigger,  yuh  sho  kin  run.” 
Dat  war  jes  on  de  yudder  side  uv  ole  Mount  Dumplin. 
Lawd-a-Mussy,  black  folks.  Ah  jes  raised  up  lak  er 
flyin  machine  an  told  dat  cat  “Yuh  ain’t  seen  no  run- 
ninyit.”  Ah  runned  all  de  way  roun  Mount  Pony, 
down  fru  de  Flatgrouns,  an  back  ter  Chinkerpinneck. 
Dat  war  fifty-five  miles  in  sebenteen  minnits.  An  ef 
Ah  haddent  seed  some  chickens  in  er  tree  down  dar 
Ah’d  be  er-runnin  yit.  An  be  er-talkin  er-bout  dar 
ain’t  no  ghoses. 

Mistah  President,  Ah  axes  yall  ter  remember  dat 
all  de  gretest  men  uv  de  wurld  hab  been  skeered  uv 
ghoses.  Recollecshun  dat  little  village  dat  Shakespere 
tells  er-bout  whar  he  seed  his  Father’s  ghose.  Ah 
means  Ham-let.  Mahcussed  Antony  seed  de  ghose 
uv  Brutus  when  Caesar  died.  Ichabod  Crane  sot  ole 
Gunpowder  on  fire  when  er  ghose  got  arftah  him.  An 
ef  mah  enemy  ober  dar  thinks  he  sees  er  chance  ter 
win  dis  hyah  debate,  what  he  sees  are  jes  er  ghose  uv 
er  chance — de  chance  died  long  er-go. 

Honry  Jedges,  don’t  yall  blieve  dat  dar  ain’t  no 


8 


Ghoses  Er  Not  Ghoses 


ghoses.  Ef  dar  ain’t  no  ghoses,  den  dar  ain’t  no 
Heben.  Fur  er  ghose  ez  er  speritanef  daidmen  ain’t 
sperits  den  dar  ez  nuffin  lef  ter  go  ter  Heben.  Ah  be- 
seeches yall  ter  recollecshun  de  sollem  wurds  uv  de 
good  Book  whar  it  say  dat  ef  man  lives  right  on  dis 
hyah  arth  den  his  sperit  will  go  ter  Heben  when  he 
die,  an  ef  he  lives  wrong  his  sperit  will  go  ter — con- 
trawise  direction.  Honry  Jedges  Ah  stands  er-pon 
dis  hyah  lofty  prederlection  uv  defense  fer  de  wurds 
uv  dat  ar  Book.  What  it  say  are  jes  boun  ter  be  de 
Gawspul  truf.  Now  showly  mah  opponents  don’t 
want  yall  ter  misunderstood  dem  ter  say  dat  er  sperit 
cud  stay  down  in  dat  ar  contra  wise  place  all  de  time. 
An  ef  he  come  away  frum  Torment  sometime,  den  he 
are  jes  boun  ter  come  up  ter  de  arth  ter  git  er-way 
frum  it.  Den  ef  he  do  come  ter  de  arth,  he  know  he 
kaint  be  killed  er-gen,  he  ain’t  skeered  uv  no  one,  so 
what  de  tarnation  gwine  ter  keep  him  frum  showin 
hisself  ter  some  one  ef  he  want  ter?  Dats  what  Ah 
axes  yuh!  Incose  dar  is  ghoses! 

Honry  Jedges,  Mah  complice  will  finish  fur  de  Neg- 
ative, an  when  he  gits  done  excruciatin  er-pon  de  tar- 
nal  presence  uv  ghoses  in  de  ar,  Ah’ll  bet  mah  ole  hat 
dat  dose  smyart  niggers  ober  dar  will  be  skeered  ter 
peep  out  de  do.  Dis  am  respectably  submitted. 

President  De  nex  speaker  are  de  second  on  de 
Firmative,  Mistah  Brown. 

Second  Speech  On  The  Affirmative; 


Mistah  Jedges,  Dishonorable  gentlemen,  Ladies  an 
President: 

Ah  hab  heered  dat  black  man  talk  until  mah  nose 
ez  erbout  ter  bleed  fur  disappointment.  Yuh  see.  Ah 
thought  he  war  gwine  ter  say  something— an  he  did- 
dent.  Mah  colleague  hab  done  showed  yuh  dat  we 
ain’t  ergwine  ter  discuss  ligion  in  dis  hyah  debate. 
He  hab  also  showed  yuh  dat  de  Bible  proves  as  how 
dar  kaint  be  no  ghoses  kase  de  Prophet  tells  de  nig- 


Ghoses  Er  Not  Ghoses  9 

ger  not  ter  git  skeered  at  night  but  jest  hang  erroun 
de  church. 

Now  Honry  Jedges,  Ah  will  show  yuh  dat  de  laws 
uv  de  Ian  proves  dat  dar  kaint  be  no  ghoses.  Eben 
mah  ponents  ober  dar  mus  know  dat  de  laws  uv  de 
Uninty  States  say  pintedly  dat  ef  one  man  kill  er 
nother  man  dat  man  mus  be  hung  up  by  de  neck  un- 
til he  are  daid.  Now  ef  dat  fus  daid  man  axually  did 
turn  inter  er  ghose  what  wud  be  de  use  uv  hangin 
dat  other  nigger.  Why  Mistah  President,  don’t  yuh 
know  dat  fus  ghose  wud  hant  de  life  outen  de  nigger 
what  killed  him,  on  de  fus  night  aftah  de  killin.  Uv 
cose  he  wud.  De  law  wuddent  hab  no  chance  a tall 
in  dat  next  killin. 

Dis  hyah  nigger  whar  tole  erbout  seein  dat  ar  ghose 
ober  on  Swamppoodle  done  fergit  somepen.  He  ain’t 
tole  us  yit  how  come  he  happen  ter  be  ober  dar  at  dat  . 
lonesome  place  at  dat  time  er  night.  Seems  lak  he’d 
be  skeered  ter  let  Squire— (Give  name  of  some  lo- 

cal police  official)  heer  him  tell  bouten  dat.  An  moren 
dat  mah  frens,  jes  twis  down  in  yo  pipe  dis  hyah  sol- 
lem  fack  also,  dat  war  his  conscience  what  he  seed, 
an  Ah  specks  it  war  er  chicken  what  he  heered. 

Don’t  tell  me  bouten  yo  ghoses.  Ah  hab  c’lected 
chickens  at  ebery  hour  in  de  night,  an  Ah  neber  yit 
hab  seed  er  ghose.  Ah  uster  hab  er  job  skimmin 
moonbeams  offen  tombstones  at  night.  An  ebery 
night  Ah’d  ramble  roun  de  grave  yards  an  jes  dar  de 
ghoses  ter  stir,  an  dey  war  all  so  skeered  dat  de  grass 
wud  tremble  roun  mah  feet.  Dar  warnt  no  ghoses  in 
dose  graves,  believe  muh.  Ah  knows. 

Mistah, President,  ef  dar  war  enny  sech  thing  as 
ghoses  ebery  body  wud  want  ter  be  er  ghose.  All  uv 
yuh  folks  wud  remit  susanside  so  as  how  yuh’d  cud 
turn  inter  er  ghose  an  porteck  yoselves  frum  oder 
ghoses.  Jes  think  now  how  nice  it  wud  be  ef  we  cud 
all  jes  sorter  swim  out  on  de  atmosphere  arter  chick- 
ens an  be  atmosphere  ourselves.  An  jes  take  yotime 
pickin  out  de  bes  chickens  in  de  hinhouse,  an  ef  de 
boss  shud  come  out  wid  er  gun  an  shoot  holes  in  de 
climate  whar  yuh  wuz,  yuh  cud  jest  laf  at  him  fit  ter 


10 


Ghoses  Er  Not  Ghoses 


kill,  an  fill  up  dose  holes  in  de  climate  wid  mo  weather. 
Den  yuh  cud  git  shot  an  not  be  shot,  kinder  stay  sober 
so  ter  speak.  Dis  hyah  argerment  proves  dat  dar  ain’t 
no  ghoses,  kase  all  dese  things  what  Ah  say  dey  is, 
dey  ain’t. 

Honry  Jedges,  Yall  mus  remember  dat  de  Bible 
proves  dat  dar  ain’t  no  ghoses.  Yall  mus  membertoo 
dat  nature  proves  dat  dar  ain’t  no  ghoses,  yall  mus 
member  also  dat  de  law  it  proves  dar  ain’t  no  ghoses, 
an  bove  all  uv  dese  yall  mus  member  dat  it  am  clar 
pas  de  limitations  uv  commonsense  ter  spose  dat  er 
livin  sperit  cud  descend  up  outen  er  daid  man’s  body 
an  scare  er  live  man  offen  de  arth.  What’s  de  use  uv 
dyin  ef  yuh  ain’t  gwine  ter  stay  daid?  Ah  appeals 
ter  yall  as  men  uv  judgement  ae  eckerty  ter  sot  de 
stamp  uv  ye  omnipotious  influence  an  authority  agin 
de  surrepstitious  ignorance  whar  hab  so  long  hel  our 
race  in  de  darkness  uv  respair.  Ah  appeals  ter  yall 
to  call  down  de  might  an  vengeance  uv  a eberlastin  mis- 
approbation  erpon  all  whar  say  dat  what  we  call  ghos- 
es is  ghoses.  Ah  appeals  ter  yall  ter  plant  right  hyah 
de  civerlizing  seeds  an  benediction  uv  a new  philoso- 
pholosophy  which  will  some  day  bloom  up  er  mon- 
strous crap  uv  tongues  uv  fire  whar  will  wave  lak  sil- 
ent monuments  uv  hope  frum  ebery  mountain  top,  an 
shout  frum  ebery  darkest  valley,  “Dar  ain’t  no 
Ghoses.  ” 

President  We  will  now  hab  de  las  speaker  fur  de 
Negative,  Mistah  Holmes. 

Second  Speech  On  The  Negative; 


Ladies  an  Gentlemen,  Men  an  Wimmin,  Niggers  an 
Whitefolks  Mah  honry  complice  hab  proved  ter  yall 
dat  dar  is  sech  er  thing  ez  er  ghoses,  an  now  it  are 
lef  fur  me  ter  double  prove  it.  Dis  hyah  fren  ob  mine 
tol  yall  bouten  one  uv  his  little  speriments  wid  er 
ghose.  Ah  has  er  little  case  in  mine  what  are  jes  ter 
de  pint.  One  night  erbout  two  o’clock  Ah  war  trottin 
erlong  by  de  whitefolks  church  jest  dis  side  er  Stev- 
ensburg  wid  erbout  ten  dollars  in  mah  pocket  whar 


Gkoses  Er  Eot  Ghoses 


11 


Ah  had  jes  winned  in  er  crap  game.  Ah  had  er  bran 
new  Smith  an  Weston  gun  in  mah  hippocket,  an  as 
Ah  started  inter  de  ole  place,  whar  dey  called  Wicked 
Bottom  in  dose  days,  er  thinkin  erbout  how  safe  dat 
money  war,  when  right  sudden  lak  Ah  seed  er  gret 
big  ghose  right  in  de  road  in  front  uv  muh.  Ah  turned 
bery  politely  an  started  ter  retreat  unanimously  in  de 
yudder  d’rection.  But  dat  ar  doggoned  ghose  flopped 
roun  in  fronten  me  ebery  time  Ah’d  turn  erroun.  Den 
Ah  drawed  er  bead  on  dat  ghose  wid  dat  new  gun  uv 
mine  An  Lawd  hab  Mussy,  instid  uv  shootin  dat  ghose 
it  jes  busted  all  ter  smoke  in  mah  bans.  Den  Ah  jes 
collided  wit  dat  ghose— jes  busted  fru  him  so  ter 
speak — Bless  yo  soul  mah  honey!  Honery  Jedges,  dat 
ar  ghose  blowed  up  lak  steam  all  roun.  Upon  mah 
wurd  uv  honor  as  er  white  man,  dat  ar  ghose  wuz  so 
hot  dat  he  singed  all  de  whiskers  offen  mah  face.  An 
dey  ain’t  growed  up  yit  either.  Mah  pardner  hab 
done  tole  yuh  erbouten  de  race  whar  he  had  wid  er 
ghose.  But  Ah  tell  yuh  now  mah  frens  he  don’t  no  eben 
er  little  bit  bouten  runnin.  Ah  wore  out  three  par  uv 
bran  new  brogan  shoes  in  sebenty-five  miles  dat 
night.  Dat  ghose  didn’t  stop  follerin  me  till  he  had 
plumb  cooled  off.  But  now  take  it  frum  mah.  Ah 
hadn’t  cooled  off  enny  a tall. 

Er  nother  time  Ah  wuz  trabblin  outen  de  Wilder- 
ness jes  dis  side  uv  Fredericksburg,  an  Ah  hadn’t 
more’n  crossed  the  Rappannock  ribber  an  started  up 
de  high  hill  dar  into  Chinkerpinneck,  when  bless  yo 
sweet  life  Ah  seed  the  consarndest  ghose  Ah  ever 
did  hear  tell  uv.  He  had  three  bodies  and  seventeen 
haids,  all  jined  together. — Don’t  yuh  tell  no  body, 
but  Ah  thought  mah  time  had  come.  Ah  jes  cuddent 
git  mah  hind  feet  ter  try  ter  run  away  frurn  dat 
ghose.  De  fack  is  dat  Ah  jes  kinder  settled  down 
alltergether,  an  de  nex  thing  Ah  knowd  Ah  wuz 
down  on  mah  knees  an  then  Ah  begin  ter  talk  ter  de 
Lawd  erbout  conditions  in  general  an  dat  ar  ghose  in 
extickleyou.  Mistah  Gemmens,  Ah  believes  dat 
ghose  war  de  gret-gran-pap  uv  all  de  ghoses.  One 
uv  dose  sebenteen  faces  kinder  grinned  at  muh  lak 


12 


Ghoses  Er  Not  Ghoses 


de  Old  Boy  hisself.  Ah  den  tole  de  Lawd  dat  Ah 
neber  wud  steal  enny  mo  chickens,  dat  Ah’d  eben 
drap  all  dose  dat  Ah  had  on  mah  back.  Ah  told  him 
dat  Ah  neber  wud  shoot  enny  mo  crap.  Ah  tole  him 
ef  he’d  jest  fergive  me  fur  all  mah  ole  sins  Ah’d 
neber  sin  no  more.  An  den  dose  haids  begin  ter  stop 
dere  shinin  lak  fire,  an  soon  Ah  cud  see  clar  thru 
whar  dat  ghose  had  been.  Ah  didn’t  lak  ter  leab 
dose  chickens  behin  in  sech  er  lonesome  place  as  dat, 
so  Ah  jes  cided  Ah’d  postpone  mah  bargain  wid  de 
Lawd  fur  er  mo  convenient  time.  Ah  haddent  pulled 
my  speed  up  ter  more’n  erbout  two  miles  er  minnit 
when,  Lawd  Bless  yo  life  de  biggest  rooster  in  dat 
bag  clar  fergit  dat  he  war  gagged  aud  hollered  out 
rale  impudent  lak,  ‘ ‘Look  a-hyah,  nigger,  take  me 
back  down  yonder!”  Now  bonnes  Mistah  President, 
Ah  diddent  want  ter  break  mah  bargain  wid  de 
Lawd,  but  dat  wuz  axin  too  doggone  much  uv  enny 
nigger.  Ah  jes  compromised  by  depositing  dat 
whole  bag  uv  chickens  right  dar  in  de  road.  Believe 
mun,  mah  feet  wuz  er-workin  den. 

Honry  Jedges,  Ah  axes  yall  ter  recollection  dat  all 
history  it  proves  dat  dar  is  ghoses;  recollection  dat  all 
de  gretes  men  uv  all  times  hab  seed  ghoses.  De 
Bible  itself  are  as  full  uv  ghoses  ez  er  nigger  church- 
yard at  night.  De  berry  nature  uv  man  tells  us  dat 
he  leabes  hyah  arftah  death,  an  our  own  speriments 
tells  us  time  arftah  time  dat  he  don’t  always  stay 
away.  Ah  blieves  dat  de  whole  future  exculpation 
uv  de  instinct  uv  man  are  dependin  on  dis  hyah  ques- 
tion tonight.  Tharfore,  Dishonorable  Judges,  it  ez 
up  ter  yall  ter  set  yo  answer  down  so  clar  an  loud 
dat  all  de  world  kin  hyeer.  It  ez  up  ter  yall  ter  prove 
ter  all  succeeding  venerations  dat  dis  hyah  instinct 
uv  man  hab  not  gone  wrong,  an  dat  what  we  calls 
ghoses  is  ghoses,  one  an  unmistakable,  e plubmted 
unum,  world  widout  end,  Amen.  Ah  Thanks  all  uv 
yuh,  suh. 


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1r  is  not  a side  lina  W^th  us, 


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ihg  ent«a!i2ttttinenta  discard  them  as 


. totters  have  often  spokeh  of  “the  house 
; that  helpiS.'^:  We  have  had  practical,  exper- 
ience in  selecting  and  producing  amateur  en- 


will  please  the  public,  and  what  can  be  pro^ 
duced  under  certain  conditions  Ow  experlcDce  is 
at  411K  {RtiMSlL  Write  ua,  gi  vipg  full  particulars 
of  your  special  need  in  the  way  of  an  enter- 
tainnient,  itt^  we  will  seleet  a play,  an  oper- 


that^^^m^^  addition  to  our  entertaim 


ptfa^  dealefS*  If  in  doubt  as  to  the  entartain- 
mttit  you  desire,  send  particulars  and  we 
Will  surest  sottething  to^ 


RELEASE  MR  Mim  PRODDCTION. 


A GOMEpY  /IV  FOU^ 

^ SEVEN  MMMS  ANh  TfWEemHAlMS 

I I MIL  II  H-  ■ft*" 

y ^ITHIS  play  was  product  l>rofess|bnally 
- for  several  masons  luid^  another 
and  IS  now  released  for  amateur  production 
without  royalty  and  without  restrictions 
y - of  any  kind.  The  scenery  and  costumes 
simple.  ^ Tifne^  about  two  hours.  A 
P young  society  girl  prays  an  impmrtsmt  part 
r ; in  oveHhrowing  a rorrupt  pmitieal  bo£» 
and  brings  about  the  elecdon  h» 
fiance.  The  race  fcnr  the  hand  of  a 
^ wealthy  widow  by  rival  suitors  furnishes 
thejcomedy.  A pre^  sttwy  is  unfolded, 
but"  without  act^"  love-making  or  any 
scenes  objectionable  to^  the  amateur. 
"Recommended  for^  high  schools  and  dra- 
matic clubs.  ^ 

^srtfea  |Mrty  m the  second  act  affords 
opportBHlty  f<g  the  Introduction  <rf  any  Bnnttertd 
'C&ittsettrs.  ■ . . - 

FRIOB,  SS:  OENTS 

tet  PKt^  nlKript  tf  Met  ftrjii 

ELDRIDGE  ENMTiUNIENTlHHISE 

Fratkliiiy  (%Uo 


When  i>e 


WALTER  S.  LONG 


A HIT  ON  YflOR  NEXT  PMfi^ 

Spmethiiig  Out  of  The  Ordinary  , 
In  Hi^-Oass  HiiinDrous  Songs. 


i-- 

: 


: MUSICAL  SKETCHK  FOR  YOONG  1JU)IE^^ 

\ - ~ ^ By  criadrldge 

These  fill  an  u^erit  need  in  supplying 
, musical  riUmfeers  ’pth  action,  for  any  secular 
progrmn,  .for  girls  &dadm  of  any  age.  JCleyer 
words; and  singable  niusic’combined  to  ma^ 
hovel  numbers  for  your  entertainment 

THE  HAT  OF  OTHER  MYS.  Everyone  knows  how 
ridiculous' the  ch^gihg  styles  make  put^f 
_ date  hats  appear^  ; ^e  song  is  based  on  this 
fact,  and  ^e  appearmiee  of  these  “hats  of 
other  days”  Will  cause  l<^s  of  merrinienf:*^^ 
i CAN’T  D|  A THING  mTHMY  HAIR  SINCE  Iff  VASHEO?’ 
,^Did  you  ever  hear  theabove  expression?  ^They 
all  say  it.  ^ This  song  is  fona  merry  grdup  of 
girls  who  havetrouble  in  keeping  their  hair  itt 
bounds.  5C  jolly  song. 

REDUCED  To  $1.99,  The  figures  in  a dry  goods 
show  window  are  jih'dignant at  having'to  par- 
ticipate in  so  hjany  i'reduc  sales,”  and, 
revolting,  walk  off  the  stage  after  telling 
their  troubles  in  song..  The  eccentric  motions 


THE  WINNING  WAYS  OF  GRANDMA’S  DAYS.  Sung  in 
costume,  this  portrays  the  many  welcome  and 
pleasing  costumes_of  “ye  olden  times.”  Di- 
rections for  minuet  included.  Very  enjoyable. 

Aiqr  one  of  tte  above  sent  postpaid  on  rece^  of  29  eerti 


Franklin,  Ohio 


WHEN  DE  WOMENFOLKS  DEBATE. 


A Darkey  Sketch  for  Women  or  Men 
Impersonating  Female  Characters. 


By  WALTER  S.  LONG. 


Copyright,  1916,  Eldridge  Entertainment  House. 


ELDRIDGE  ENTERTAINMENT  HOUSE, 

FRANKLIN,  OHIO.  DENVER,  COLO, 


PROGRAMME 


QUESTION:— “RESOLVED -Dat  de  Womenfolks 
ain’t  got  no  Right  ter  Vote  in  Missibamgia.” 


DEBATERS: 

Affirmative  Negative 

Minerva  Daisy  Washington  Deborah  Exzema  Johnsing 

Dinah  Jackson  Smith  Esther  Hannah  Brown 


OFFICERS 


President— Mary  Virginia  Josepline  Haden. 


Vice-Presidents 


Anthenelia  Hazeltine  Sims 
Carrie  Nation  Clatterbuck 


Marshalls  I 


Lavinia  Cornelia  Muddiman 
Julia  Davis  Taliaferro 


JUDGES 

(Name  of  Local  Persons  acting  as  Judges) 
TIME 

(Date  and  Hour  of  Entertainment) 
PLACE 

(Place  of  Entertainment) 


When  De  Womenfolb  Debate 


THE  PRESIDENT'S  SPEECH 
Men  an  Wimmen,  Big  Folks  and  Little  Folks: 

Yuh  is  hyah  ternight  ter  sarve  de  functions  uv  jedge 
an  jury  in  the  gret  debated  case  uv  RIGHT  varsus 
WRONG.  Which  one  ob  dese  are  de  plaintiflf  and  which 
am  de  Tendent  mus’  be  decided  upon  hyah  by  y'all  ter- 
night. Ter  yo  sollem  desideration  will  be  handed  out  de 
pondigerous  argerments  both  con  an’  pro — for  an’  ergin. 

De  question  fur  debate  an’  yo  consideration  are  ''Re- 
solved,— Dat  de  Wimmenfolks  ain’t  got  no  Right  ter  Vote 
in  Missibamgia.”  De  R.  S.  V.  P.  P.  D.  Q.  Sisters  uv 
Dorcas  Sewing  Society  will  maintenance  de  Firmative 
uv  dis  hyah  argerment,  while  de  Negative  will  be  per- 
secuted by  de  Wimmen’s  True  Reformer’s  League  uv 
Missibamgia. 

De  ladies  what  will  ladle  out  de  shrapnel  an’  spill  de 
torpedoes  is:  Fur  de  Firmative  Miss  Minerva  Daisy 

Washington  an’  Miss  Dinah  Jackson  Smith.  Fur  de 
Negative,  Ah  is  mo’rn  pleased  ter  interjuce  Miss  Deborah 
Exzema  Johnsing  an’  Miss  Esther  Hannah  Brown. 

We  will  now  hab  de  fits’  speaker  fur  de  Firmative,  Miss 
Washington. 

FIRST  ON  THE  AFFIRMATIVE 

Missis  President,  Honry  ledges,  Niggers  an'  White  folks: 

Ah  is  mighty  glad  fur  er  opportunity  ter  speak  ter  y’all 
at  dis  hyah  time  an’  on  sech  er  portant  occasion.  In  dese 
stormy  days  when  all  de  wimmen  seem  ter  be  crazy  on 
de  subject  uv  votes.  Ah  is  glad  ter  say  dat  Ah  ’longs  ter 
dat  ar  noble  band  uv  patriots  whar  y’all  calls  Anti-Suflfer- 
yets.  An’  Ah  wants  ter  ’nounce  right  hyah  now  dat  Ah 
isn’t  none  uv  dem  ar  halfway,  no  count,  po  white  trash 
Oncle-Sufferyets,  neither.  Ah  is  loyal  ter  de  gret  big 
stairs  an’  stripes  uv  dese  hyah  Uninety  States.  An’  Ah 

3 


^ When  De  Womenfolks  Debate 

lubs  de  peace  an’  happiness  in  all  de  homes  uv  dis  hyah 
gret  state  nv  Missibamgia.  Dar  am  de  reason  whar  Ah 
am  hyah  ternight,  and  dar  is  why  Ah  hab  done  ''Re- 
solved,— Dat  wimmenfolks  ain’t  got  no  Right  ter  Vote 
in  Missibamgia.” 

When  Ah  tempts  ter  spress  ter  y’all  de  history  uv  dis 
hyah  question  all  de  pride  Ah  eber  hab  felt  in  de  glory 
uv  wimmenhood  are  shaken  an’  umbled.  Ah  feels  lak  it 
are  too  shameful  ter  talk  erbout.  Ah  wants  ter  tell  dem 
ar  wimmen  ober  dar,  Yuh  neber  is  satisfied.  Yuh  neber 
will  be  satisfied.  Why  doan  yuh  go  on  home  an’  try  ter 
ptft  up  wid  what  de  good  Lawd  hab  done  gib  yuh?  Mah 
frens,  jes’  think  uv  it  er  minnit.  Hyah  is  ax’ylly  wimmen 
wantin’  ter  vote.  An  de  wust  thing  uv  all  erbouten  it  are 
dat  dey  is  willin’  an  ready  ter  raise  er  row  erbout  it  too. 
Dey  has  talked  erbouten  votes  untell  y’all  wu’d  think  dey 
raly  knowed  what  er  vote  are,  wuddent  yuh?  Dey  has 
blamed  de  men  fur  all  de  troubles  dey  eber  has  had  an' 
clar  fergits  dat  de  good  Lawd  made  de  men. 

Now  in  dis  hyah  concussion  ternight  Ah  wants  ter 
sot  plainly  befo  y’all  er  clar  understandin’  uv  what  dis 
hyah  question  means.  By  de  tex’  uv  de  resolution  y’all 
kin  see  dat  it  ’fers  ter  rights,  it  ’fers  ter  votes,  it  ’fers  ter 
Wimmenfolks,  an’  all  uv  dese  right  hyah  in  Missibamgia, 
Now  ter  fix  de  meanin’  still  mo  clarer  in  yo  min’s  jes’ 
recollection  dat  it  simply  means  dat  wimmenfolks  mus- 
sent  vote  in  Missibamgia,  an’  dat  is  all  us  on  de  Firmative 
is  hyah  ter  prove.  In  provin’  de  troof  uv  dis  hyah  reso- 
lution we  ’spectfully  offahs  ter  yo  consideration  free  fun- 
dermental  pints  uv  interest.  Fustly,  dat  dar  ain’t  no  use 
in  makin’  er  change;  secondly,  dat  dis  hyah  votes  fur 
wimmen  is  as  wusser’n  jes’  simply  votes  fur  men;' an’ 
thirdly,  dat  in  itself,  wimmen  sufiferage  wu’d  be  er  gret 
mistake.  Ah  will  prove  de  fus’  uv  dese,  an’  mah  pard- 
ner  will  more’n  prove  de  udder  two. 

Ah  now  axes  y’all  ter  fix  yo  ’tention  on  de  sollem  fack 
dat  dar  ain’t  no  use  in  makin’  dis  hyah  change.  What 
y’all  wimmen  fussin’  erbout?  Doan  yuh  git  ernough  ter 
eat?  Doan  yuh  hab  er  place  ter  sleep?  Doan  yuh  hab 
all  de  close  yuh  kin  war?  Doan  yuh  hab  ernough  wuk 


When  De  Womenfolks  Debate 


5 


ter  do  erroun’  de  house  widout  totin’  de  burden  uv  de 
men?  Ah  axes  ebery  one  uv  y'all,  what  else  does  yuh 
want  ? Law-a-massy,  niggers,  doan  de  men-folks  alreddy 
make  ernough  fool  laws  ? What  else  cu’d  yuh  do  ef  yu’d 
git  de  vote  ? De  men  hab  done  gone  an  done  all  dey  kin 
fur  yuh  ennyway.  Tuh  tell  de  troof,  mah  sisters,  Ah’se 
fred  ef  us  wimmen  shud  git  ter  vote  at  de  poles,  den 
mah  ole  man  ’ud  want  ter  vote  erroun’  de  house.  An’ 
y’all  knows  bery  well  dat  dis  hyah  nigger  neber  wu’d 
’gree  ter  dat. 

Hon’ry  Jedges,  Ah  has  proved  ter  y’all  dat  we  doesn’t 
need  de  vote  an’  mah  pardner’ll  prove  dat  dis  hyah  votes 
fur  wimmen’ud  be  jes’  as  bad  as  votes  fur  men,  and  dat 
it  wild  be  wusser.  An  when  dese  facks  hab  been  drove 
fru  and  clinched  in  de  hind  part  uv  yo  think  box,  we  kin 
all  jine  in  wid  de  rooster  an  declar  Dat  wim-min  folks — 
ain’t  got — no  right — ter  vote — in  Mis-sibam-gia.'*' 

(*Note — This  last  sentence  may  be  made  to  sound 
somewhat  like  a rooster’s  crow.) 

FIRST  ON  THE  NEGATIVE 
Hon'ry  Jedges,  Men  an'  Wimmen,  Misses  Presedent : 

Ah  is  hyah  ter  repersent  de  argerments  uv  de  True 
Reformers  an’  de  fus’  thing  Ah’ll  do  is  ter  reform  de 
argerments  uv  mah  hon’ry  enemy  what  hab  jes’  receded 
muh.  An  Ah’ll  begin  dat  procession  by  changing  de 
wurds  uv  de  tex’  uv  mah  ’ponents’  resolution  ter  read 
‘'Dat  wimmenfolks  hab  got  er  right  ter  vote  in  Missi- 
bamgia.”  Dat  is  what  us  uv  de  Negative  is  hyah  ter 
prove,  an’  we’ll  prove  it  exclusively  an’  completely.  His- 
torically, Scientifically,  an’  Sentimentally.  Now  when 
Ah  says  as  how  de  wimmen  hab  got  er  right  ter  vote  Ah 
doan  . mean  dat  we  kin  vote  now.  Dat  is  what  we  is 
fussin’  erbout.  But  ef  we  hab  got  er  right  ter  vote,  an’ 
Ah’ll  prove  dat  we  hab  got  dat  ar  right,  den  dere;  ain’t 
nuthin’  lef’  fur  y’all  female  niggers  ter  do  but  jes’  go 
home  an’  suade  yo  menfolks  ter  yo  opinion  wid  de  mighty 
argerment  uv  er  rollin’  pin. 

Historically  speakin’  dis  hyah  question  ain’t  nuthin’  new. 
It  hab  been  under  scussion  eber  since  man  war  in  de 


6 


When  De  Womenfolks  Debate 


monkey  state.  Den  de  man  monkeys  war  so  wicked  dat 
dey  cuddent  stand  fur  de  good  intentions  uv  de  wimmen 
monkeys.  So  dey  began  ter  hab  all  de  'lections  in  de  tops 
uv  de  tall  trees  in  de  spring  uv  de  year  so  dat  de  wim- 
menmonkeys  'ud  hab  ter  stay  down  near  de  groun'  ter 
min'  de  little  monkeys.  Arter  erwhile  de  men  got  bolder 
an'  tole  de  wimmen  dey  mussent  eben  talk  erbouten  poli- 
tics, and  de  sad  part  is  dat  de  po'  obedient  wimmen  soon 
'blieved  dat  foolishness  an'  quit  talkin'  erbout  it.  But 
now  wimmen  hab  erwaked.  Ah  say  dey  hab  erwaked, 
an'  dey  want  de  menfolks  ter  know  dat  dey  hab  erwaked. 
An'  ternight  us,  de  Negative,  is  hyah  ter  prove  dat  dis 
present  way  uv  doin'  bisnes  is  wrong,  all  wrong,  an' 
nuthin'  but  wrong. 

We  bases  de  proof  uv  dis  hyah  recersion  upon  de 
meanin'  uv  right.  Now  jes'  y'all  niggers  'sider  how  de 
vote  war  taken  from  de  wimmen,  wuz  dat  right?  An'  ef 
it  warn't  right,  warn't  it  wrong?  Now  some  uv  mah 
hon'ry  'ponents  may  say  dat  de  wimmen  neber  had  no 
vote,  dat  dey  ain't  equal  ter  de  men.  But  Ah  kin  prove 
dat  dis  ain't  so  by  de  Bible  story  uv  de  Creation.  Thar 
de  Bible  it  say  as  how  ''Gawd  created  man  in  his  own 
image,  male  an'  female,  created  he  them."  Dis  proves 
dat  wimmen  is  equal  ter  man.  De  wurd  man  dar  is  used 
in  its  gemerical  sense  an'  means  man  embracin’  wimmen. 
Now  ef  de  one  wurd  means  two  things,  it  cain't  be  com- 
plete widout  both  uv  dese,  an'  tharfore  er  man's  vote  is 
only  er  half  er  vote  widout  er  woman's  vote  erlongside 
uv  it.  Now  some  men  say  as  how  de  cast  de  whole  vote, 
lak  as  dey  is  man  embracin'  woman.  But  Ah  'lows  as 
how  ef  er  half  kin  stan'  fur  de  whole,  den  dat  half  sar- 
tainly  orter  be  de  better  half.  An'  Ah  kin  jes'  gib  y'all 
de  history  uv  de  whole  wurld  ter  prove  dat  de  women 
am  de  better  half  uv  enny  par. 

Dese  is  fades,  Hon'ry  Jedges.  Packs  whar  cain't  be 
lafifed  at  nor  unproved.  VVe  hassent  built  up  anny  arger- 
ment  hyah  ternight  on  mere  sandy  theories.  All  de  state- 
ments uv  our  argerments  is  well  pressed  bricks  what  we 
hab  foundationed  on  de  gret  solid  rock  uv  fack.  On 
dese  facks  we  hab  built,  on'  on  dis  hyah  rock  we  depend. 


When  De  Womenfolks  Debate 


7 


We  is  not  scaered  iiv  de  floods  iiv  ignorance  nor  de 
storms  iiv  lies.  All  dat  de  world  knows  erbouten  de  gret 
noble  character  uv  wimmenhood  is  supportin’  our  cause, 
and  Ah  kin  almos’  heer  de  glad  ringin’  uv  de  joyful  bells 
whar  will  son  perclaim  dat  de  votes  hab  been  giben  ter  de 
wimnien  uv  de  gret  state  uv  Missibamgia. 

SECOND  ON  THE  AFFIRMATIVE 

Ladies  an'  Gimmen,  Niggers  an'  White  folks,  Men  an 
Wimmen : 

Mah  pardner  hab  done  proved  ter  y’all  dat  dar  ain’t 
no  use  in  gibin’  wimmen  de  right  ter  vote.  An’  now 
Ah’ll  go  clar  pas’  dat  ar  stoppin’  place  an’  prove  fustly, 
dat  dis  hyah  votes  fur  wimmen  wud  be  as  wusser’n  jes’ 
simply  votes  fur  men.  An’  Ah’ll  also  prove  dat  wimmen 
sui¥erage  wud  be  er  gret  mistake. 

In  de  fust  place  we  hab  too  many  laws  now  alreddy. 
What  fur  yuh  want  wimmen  ter  be  er-makin’  mo?  Sec- 
ondly wimmen  is  jes’  lak  men.  Ef  yuh  gib  dem  de  vote 
dey  wud  jes’  go  on  an’  let  de  crooked  politicians  fool  dem. 
An’  dese  politicians  wud  jes’  keep  on  runnin’  de  guv- 
ment  enny  way.  Dey  doan  keer  who  votes  fur  dem  jes’ 
so  as  dey  kin  git  ’lected.  De  wimmen  ain’t  got  no  mo 
sense  den  de  men  hab.  Now  votin’  are  de  bizness  uv  de 
men,  but  dey  doan  know  nuthin’  erbouten  housewuk.  Yit 
de  wimnien  uv  dis  hyah  day  an’  time  make  out  lak  dey 
kin  do  dere  own  wuk  an’  de  men's  wuk  too.  Ernudder 
thing,  y'all  niggers  knows  jes’  as  well  as  Ah  know  dat 
wid  de  wimmen  votin’  no  one  but  de  gret  big  han’some 
yaller  niggers  'ud  hab  er  ghose  uv  er  chance  ter  get 
’lected  ter  no  orfice.  Now  y’all  also  knows  dat  no  one 
cain’t  be  han'some  an’  ’onest  at  de  same  time,  lease  he'll 
steal  time  ter  look  at  hisself  in  de  glass,  an’  enny  body 
whar  will  steal  one  tiling’ll  steal  ernudder.  Ah  ’lows  as 
how  stealin’  stealin’  no  matter  what  is  stole.  Den  does 
y’all  think  dat  er  han’some  maii’ud  make  enny  better 
orncer  den  de  ones  we  now  alreddy  hab? 

Ah  lows  as  how  wimmen  sufiferage  wud  be  ar  gret 
mistake.  Ef  we  wimmen  git  de  vote  all  our  interests 
wud  be  changed.  Men  folks  now  respeck  wimmen  bekase 


8 


When  De  Womenfolks  Debate 


he  doan  miderstan’  her.  He  doan  see  as  how  wimmen 
kin  be  satisfied  ter  stay  at  home  an'  min'  de  babies  an'  let 
him  chase  erroun'  habin'  all  de  fun.  So  den  he  immeji- 
ately  thinks  de  woman  are  heaps  better  den  he  are  an' 
he  'specks  her  'cordinly.  Now  yuh  jes'  let  de  wimmen 
hab  er  vote  an'  de  menfolks  will  go  right  straight  an' 
lose  dere  'speck  fur  her.  An’  den  yuh  niggers'll  hab  tuh 
Stan'  up  in  de  street  cyars,  an'  see  menfolks  wid  dere 
hats  on  in  de  elevators,  an'  help  yoselves  outen  buggies,  ' 
an'  drive  yo  own  artermobiles.  Why  not  jes'  dress  in 
men's  close  an'  be  done  wid  it,  an'  smoke  er  pipe.  Jes' 
yuh  think  now,  ef  wimmen  gits  de  vote,  dey'll  be  expected 
ter  jine  de  army  an'  fight  in  wahtime.  Now  y'all  knows 
dat  wimmen  cain't  fight  in  no  army.  So  den  de  men- 
foks'ud  make  fun  uv  dem  an'  call  dem  cowards.  As  it  is 
wimmen  is  not  'spozed  ter  fight  bekase  we  ain't ‘got  no 
votes.  But  Hon'ry  Jedges,  de  argerment  whar  we  wants 
ter  sot  upon  top  uv  all  what  hab  been  said  hyah  ternight 
are  dat  ef  wimmen  had  de  vote  it'ud  break  up  de  home. 
Ef  wimmen  cud  vote  who  wud  do  de  cookin’?  Who 
wud  darn  de  ole  man's  sock's?  Who  wud  sew  on  but- 
tons" Who  wud  min'  de  chilluns?  Dey  wuddent  be 
many  chilluns  ter  min'.  An  who  wud  stay  'ligious  all 
week  while  de  men  war  c'lectin'  chickens?  Ansah  me, 
Missis  Presedent!  Ansah  me,  Hon'ry  Jedgesi  Yuh 
niggers  down  dar  in  front,  yuh  ansah  me ! An'  yuh  mah 
hon'ry  enemies,  yuh  ansah  me ! Who  wud  do  dese  things 
ef  de  wimmen  didn't?  De  men,  uv  cose.  An'  veribly 
Ah  say  hayh  ter  night  dat  er  horrible  mess  dey  wud  make 
uv  it  too.  Dey  wud  undeed.  Jes'  y'all  think  uv  de  homes 
dat  wud  be  broken  up.  Think  uv  de  homes  what  wud 
neber  l>e  started.  Ah  tells  y'all  Hon'ry  Jedges,  it's  er 
shame.  It's  mo'en  er  shame.  Ah  axes  y'all  ter  lissen  ter 
mah  sollem  pleadin'  hyah  ternight.  Ah  axes  y'all  ter 
'sider  all  de  po  orphans  an'  widowers  what  wud  be  neg- 
lected. Think  uv  de  ole  bachelors  whar  wud  be  made 
ter  lib  in  single  blessendness  all  dere  lives  while  de  wim- 
men prance  erroun'  wid  de  ballot  box.  It's  up  ter  y'all 
Hon'ry  Jedges.  Dis  am  respectively  submitted. 


When  De  Womenfolks  Debate  9 

SECOND  ON  THE  NEGATIVE 

Hon'ry  ledges^  Niggers  an'  Gemmens,  Ladies  an'  White- 
folks  : 

Mah  pardner  hab  done  tole  yuh  dat  Ah  is  ter  prove 
dat  wimmenfolks  hab  got  er  right  ter  vote  by  de  gret 
argerments  iiv  science  an’  sentiment.  Scientiffically 
speakin’  we  kin  claim  dat  wimmen  is  de  full  equals  uv 
men.  An’  Ah  wishes  ter  call  yo  ’tention  ter  de  profoun’ 
investigations  uv  de  late  Professah  Barley.  He  showed 
exclusively  dat  de  rapacity  fur  votin’  are  not  suspendent 
on  de  size  er  stringth  uv  de  voter,  but  on  de  quality  uv 
de  brain.  Now  Professah  Darley  furder  shows  as  how 
de  brain  uv  de  wimmin  folks  is  composed  uv  er  better 
timber  dan  de  brain  uv  er  man.  Kase  dar  is  fo  hundred 
paramecium  vorticellos  in  each  ounce  uv  wimmen’s  brain 
ergin  only  two  hundred  fur  de  men.  What  y’all  Ant- 
Suff eryets  gwine  ter  do  wid  dat  argerment  ? Ansah  muh. 
Yo  cain’t. 

De  argerments  uv  mah  ’ponents  puts  muh  in  min’  uv 
er  ole  man  whar  war  arsked  ef  he  wud  vote  fur  ter 
’bolish  bangin’.  He  jes’  rolled  his  cud  erroun’  in  his 
mouf  an’  said,  ^'Naw,  suh.  Hanging’  war  good  ernouf 
fur  mah  pap.  So  Ah  lows  as  how  it  shud  be  good  enrouf 
fur  mah.”  Now  in  cose  we  doesn’t  doubt  dat  hangin’ 
wud  be  good  ernouf  fur  sich  trash  as  dat.  But  Ah 
kinder  hopes  dat  dar  ain’t  none  lak  dat  in  dis  hyah  house 
ter  night.  We  is  talkin’  ter  dose  folks  whar  ain’t  satis- 
fied wid  dere  present  trials  an’  tribulations.  We  wants 
de  wimmen  whar  dreams  dreams  uv  glory  an’  honor 
an’  happiness  ter  listen.  We  repeals  ter  all  who  isn’t 
skeered  uv  men  ter  come  fawward  hyah  ternight  an’  help 
us  beard  de  ole  he-lion  in  lies  den  an’  pluck  all  de  feathers 
frum  hes  wings. 

Ah  will  now  prove  Sentimentally  dat  de  wimmen  folks 
hab  got  er  right  ter  vote.  Y’all  niggers  jes’  nottis  dose 
pretty  black  gals,  and  dose  pretty  yaller  gals.  Wud  yuh 
young  men  dar  tell  dem  dat  dey  isn’t  yo  full  equals.  An’ 
ef  dey  is  yo  equals,  hassent  dey  de  same  right  ter  vote 
dat  yuh  has  yoself.  But  dis  hyah  question  it  say  as 


10 


When  De  Womenfolks  Debate 


how  wimmen  dey  ain't  got  no  right  ter  vote,  an’  Ah 
lows  as  how  dat  question  it  am  er  unqualified,  prevari- 
catin’, inexplicable  falsifier.  Ah  claims  dat  de  wimmen 
hab  got  er  right  ter  vote. 

Mah  ’ponents  talk  erbouten  breakin’  up  homes  lak  dey 
ain’t  got  no  sense.  It  doan  take  but  er  few  minnits  ter 
vote.  Dey  say  dat  votin’  is  de  man’s  business.  Dat  ain’t 
so.  De  man’s  bizness  are  ter  wuk  fur  er  livin’,  an’  de 
wimmen’s  bizness  are  ter  take  keer  uv  de  home.  Now 
ef  de  man  kin  leab  his  bizness  long  ernouf  ter  vote,  den 
de  wimmen  kin  do  de  same. 

Hon’ry  Jedges,  we  wimmin  isn’t  arskin’  fur  no  special 
privileges.  We  jes’  wants  ter  vote  jes’  lak  de  men.  Ef 
some  wimmen  doan  want  ter  vote  dat  is  dere  bizness, 
but  ef  some  uv  dem  want  ter  vote,  ef  dey  hab  er  right 
ter  vote,  an’  ef  yuh  hab  de  power  to  gib  dem  de  vote, 
den  it  is  wrong  ef  y'all  doan  gib  it  to  dem.  Let  de  wim- 
men larn  ter  vote  lak  de  men  hab  lamed,  an’  soon  dey 
will  all  be  bettah  ’pared  fur  de  sacred  dooties  uv  dere 
high  callin’  uv  wifehood,  motherhood,  an’  citizenship. 

Yuh  men  may  jes’  as  well  rise  ter  dis  hyah  sollem 
’casion,  an’  do  what  hab  alreddy  proved  itself  yo  dooty. 
Dis  hyah  movement  hab  alreddy  been  stamped  wid  de 
sign  uv  de  times.  Alreddy  hab  y’all  men  seed  de  han’- 
ritin’  on  de  wall.  An’  now  in  Missibamgia,  de  Mene 
Mene  Hekalled  Erparson  whar  Belshazzar  seed,  reads 
thusly:  ''Behole  de  Wimmen  nv  termorrer  swimmin'  on 
er  risin'  tide  uv  votes  fur  wimmenf^  Y’all  men  may  as 
well  fall  in  line.  De  nex’  Declaration  uv  Independence 
will  hab  dat  one  gret  line  changed  ter  read:  ''We  hole 

dese  troofs  ter  be  self  evident,  dat  men  an'  wimmen  were 
created  equal,  an’  possessed  uv  sartain  inextricable  rights 
among  which  de  foremost  is,  life,  liberty,  votes  fur  wim- 
men, an’  de  pursuit  uv  happiness.”  Men  uv  Missibam- 
gia will  y’all  deny  wimmen  dis  hyah  right.  Wake  up 
wimmen  uv  Missibamgia,  arsk  an’  it  shall  be  given  unter 
yuh. 


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RELEASED  FOR  AMATEUR  PRODUOION. 

“The  Little  Politician” 

Br  SEYMOUR  S.  TIBBALS 


A COMEDY  IN  FOUR  ACTS 

SEVEN  MALES  AND  THREE  FEMALES 


I 

ITHIS  play  was  produced  professionally 
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wealthy  widow  by  rival  suitors  furnishes 
the  comedy.  A pretty  story  is  unfolded, 
but  without  actual  love-making  or  any 
scenes  objectionable  to  the  amateur. 
Recommended  for  high  schools  and  dra- 
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Jp^The  ^den  party  in  the  second  act  affords 
opportunity  for  the  introduction  of  any  number  of 
characters. 

PRICE,  as  CENTS 


Sent  Postpaid  on  Receipt  of  Price  by  the 

ELDRIDGE  ENTERTAINMENT  HOUSE 

Franklin,  Ohio 


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iz^kliii>  Ohio 


By  SEYMOUR  S.  TIBBALS. 


Mr.  Tibbals  has  been  unusually  successful  in  iur'- 
riishing  bdys’  pkys  that  introduce  eharacters  true  to, 
life.  While  the  plays  are  strong  and  forceful  in  the 
lessons  they  teach,  clean  comedy  predominates  and 
the  boys  like  them.  ? 


99 


A comedy  in  two  acts.  Here  is  a rollicking  play 
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Easily  stagfed  jand^  c^  Opportunity  for  intro- 

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troducing. such  features  the  play  may  be  used  for 
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Price  25  Cents 


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A splendid  play  for  any  number  of  boys.  The 
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formance closing  with  a minstrel  show  in  camp.  Cos- 
tumes and  scenery  are  not  elaborate  and  the  play  may 
be  produced  on  any  stage.  7 ' 


These  comedies  are  protected  by  copyright,  but 
permission  for  amateur  production  is  granted  with 
the  purchase  of  the  book. 


IJIRIDGE  ENTDippiENT  HOI^ 

, Franklin,  Ohio 


